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| Photo by Karl Leitz. Clinton Country Run. 15K |
So last week’s half did not go as planned. The week before was Boston which was also pretty rough (understatement of the year ;) ). The week prior to that I ran a hilly 8:24 paced 20k. Today was a 15k on a course with some rolling hills. Based upon my real life recent performances, I set a goal for 8:15 (+/- 10 sec) for myself. However that was an estimated prediction, but not what I actually planned to aim for mile by mile.
Instead, I wanted to practice two important skills today at this race. First, I wanted to pay attention to my pre-race routine and sharpen up what I do before every race so that I can setting myself up for success. Next I wanted to use the mindfulness meditation practice I have been working on daily in a race setting. I wasn’t going monitor my pace. Instead I was going run by feel, with my job being to negative split this race. I wanted to be mindful about my pacing, focus on how I felt it the moment and ask myself whether I had another gear for the final 4 miles, where all the hills are. I did not want race people. I did not want to race the clock. I wanted to race as fast as I could race without getting ahead of my own ability too early.
I met Kim early and we ran 6M of warm up. I was trying to pay attention to timing to see how long I really need to do all the things I know I should do before I race. I am tired of scrambling around at the start of races, missing my change to get my body warmed up and my mind prepared to tackle the work I will do. If I know exactly how much time I need and exactly what my pre-race routine will be, I will have a greater ability to do what I need when it becomes much more important to me to have my pre-race warm up routine sharp.
Instead, I wanted to practice two important skills today at this race. First, I wanted to pay attention to my pre-race routine and sharpen up what I do before every race so that I can setting myself up for success. Next I wanted to use the mindfulness meditation practice I have been working on daily in a race setting. I wasn’t going monitor my pace. Instead I was going run by feel, with my job being to negative split this race. I wanted to be mindful about my pacing, focus on how I felt it the moment and ask myself whether I had another gear for the final 4 miles, where all the hills are. I did not want race people. I did not want to race the clock. I wanted to race as fast as I could race without getting ahead of my own ability too early.
I met Kim early and we ran 6M of warm up. I was trying to pay attention to timing to see how long I really need to do all the things I know I should do before I race. I am tired of scrambling around at the start of races, missing my change to get my body warmed up and my mind prepared to tackle the work I will do. If I know exactly how much time I need and exactly what my pre-race routine will be, I will have a greater ability to do what I need when it becomes much more important to me to have my pre-race warm up routine sharp.
So first we ran a long warm up. We ran the course backwards in part, paying attention to the terrain, becoming aware of where the last mile began. Then we did dynamic stretching. We changed shoes and did some pick ups rather than strides. 20 steps slow 20 steps fast. We talked about music that we could include next time. I still know I need to work on my pre-race game more. I need to protec that time from unnecessary distractions on those days I plan to do my best. For now I am learning.
The gun goes off. I was not trying to push to hard. But the start is fast. I did not want to know my splits, but that was impossible because the wonderful volunteers were calling them out at each mile. Of course most people want this information to make sure they are on track.
[For the first time since I started racing, I finally had no shin pain! This is fantastic. I had spent time cleaning up nutrition, sleeping better, and training better. I could feel the impact of healthy decisions. I watch my heart rate drop over the week as my body and mind felt better!]
Mile 1 was a fast downhill mile and the volunteer called out 7:20, 7:21, 7:22… as I passed. Now I know the course would roll little and that 7:20 was merely the result of the descent that we would climb at the end.
I settled down and did not pay attention to the watch. Runners flew past me and I passed a few but the most important tasks I had to do were only two things: (1) Negative split, and (2) Focus on the Mile I was in… Time did not matter, place did not matter, racing others did not matter. Not today.
I spent the first 4 miles really focused on how I felt in the moment. The rest of the world around me felt like a blur. Nothing outside was touching me and I felt content.
I settled down and did not pay attention to the watch. Runners flew past me and I passed a few but the most important tasks I had to do were only two things: (1) Negative split, and (2) Focus on the Mile I was in… Time did not matter, place did not matter, racing others did not matter. Not today.
I spent the first 4 miles really focused on how I felt in the moment. The rest of the world around me felt like a blur. Nothing outside was touching me and I felt content.
At mile 4 a woman runs right between me and another runner who was wearing gigantic head phones and she exuberantly exclaims! “So what’s the plan today!”
Now this was not what I expected. I was in my flow, doing my job, being mindful about how I felt and what I was doing and then suddenly there was this very sudden and somewhat abrasive intrusion into my headspace.
I contemplated what to do. I did nothing at first. I did not want to disrupt my peaceful exisitance in my race. This is going to be an interesting challenge, to practice mindfulness while racing with people who have no idea what I am doing, who just want to be social. If I really want to practice this skill, I am going to need to figure out how to not get distracted while also appearing rude to friendly people. I am not sure how to reconcile this yet.
I contemplated what to do. I did nothing at first. I did not want to disrupt my peaceful exisitance in my race. This is going to be an interesting challenge, to practice mindfulness while racing with people who have no idea what I am doing, who just want to be social. If I really want to practice this skill, I am going to need to figure out how to not get distracted while also appearing rude to friendly people. I am not sure how to reconcile this yet.
So I think that just maybe if I say nothing the other runners on her left would engage her. But I am no longer doing one of my two jobs. I am not focused on running the mile I am in. I am fully distracted by others. This is interesting from a mindfulness perspective. I don't intend to be mindful at all costs, but I do want to first see if she will use someone else as her diversion.
I glanced over and saw the giant headphones and knew there was no chance of that happening. She had a buffer. This was a USATF-NJ championship race. Headphones are illegal. They are considered to be an aid. I can see how they really can help.
The woman then says “So what you are trying to do today! Maybe we can help each other out today!” Normally, friendly supportive conversation is nice, but often this happens when two people want to chat. It was clear she didn't care if I was interested in chatting or not.
I wanted so badly to say, “I see you want to work together but I don’t actually need help right now.”… but that really wasn’t necessary to say that. I did have some empathy, recognizing a sense of insecurity she must have been feeling about her ability. I remember how that was me when I first started running and racing. I remember wanted to run with people because I thought maybe I could do better feeding off someone else energy, not really trusting that I had what I needed inside myself. I felt that my best on my own wasn’t the best I could do but maybe I could latch on to someone else’s pace and their energy will pull me. Or maybe their presence will ignite some competitive edge in me that I would discover was relentless. Somehow I felt I needed help. I just don't feel that way any more. I feel like that only person who can help me is me.
But in 2016, when I learned how to listen to my body and master my own pacing, I found out that I can negative split everything I do if I am open and accepting of my ability and I set goals that match my strengths. When I run my own race there is no better outcome. My best races are not a result of anyone else doing anything. They are all me.
So again she says, “Do you have a plan?”
While focused with my attention straight ahead, I think about my plan to just run the mile I am in... I say “Just Run”.
Now what I meant to say was ‘My plan is to just run… to focus on the moment I am in and just run” But as I said "Just Run" it came out sounding more like a command... I am sure that I actually meant it both ways. I really did want my space back. I was in my flow and here was someone who doesn’t yet know how to run on her own race trying to make me join her to help her. I wasn’t interested in being someone else’s diversion. I wan’t interested in being her reluctant pacer. Sometimes it is really fun to be the distraction that helps others shine, but I do think it is better to help people figure out that they are enough.
The woman then says “So what you are trying to do today! Maybe we can help each other out today!” Normally, friendly supportive conversation is nice, but often this happens when two people want to chat. It was clear she didn't care if I was interested in chatting or not.
I wanted so badly to say, “I see you want to work together but I don’t actually need help right now.”… but that really wasn’t necessary to say that. I did have some empathy, recognizing a sense of insecurity she must have been feeling about her ability. I remember how that was me when I first started running and racing. I remember wanted to run with people because I thought maybe I could do better feeding off someone else energy, not really trusting that I had what I needed inside myself. I felt that my best on my own wasn’t the best I could do but maybe I could latch on to someone else’s pace and their energy will pull me. Or maybe their presence will ignite some competitive edge in me that I would discover was relentless. Somehow I felt I needed help. I just don't feel that way any more. I feel like that only person who can help me is me.
But in 2016, when I learned how to listen to my body and master my own pacing, I found out that I can negative split everything I do if I am open and accepting of my ability and I set goals that match my strengths. When I run my own race there is no better outcome. My best races are not a result of anyone else doing anything. They are all me.
So again she says, “Do you have a plan?”
While focused with my attention straight ahead, I think about my plan to just run the mile I am in... I say “Just Run”.
Now what I meant to say was ‘My plan is to just run… to focus on the moment I am in and just run” But as I said "Just Run" it came out sounding more like a command... I am sure that I actually meant it both ways. I really did want my space back. I was in my flow and here was someone who doesn’t yet know how to run on her own race trying to make me join her to help her. I wasn’t interested in being someone else’s diversion. I wan’t interested in being her reluctant pacer. Sometimes it is really fun to be the distraction that helps others shine, but I do think it is better to help people figure out that they are enough.
But I wasn't coaching her. I wasn't coaching anyone. I was there as an athlete. I just wanted to focus on my skills. I immediately tempered what sounded too harsh with more of what she needed to hear. I added quickly, “My plan is to Just Run. I want to just run and not feel badly. I want to not work too hard too soon and I want to run faster as I go along and feel good as I do it.” That was enough for her.
Then I went back into my zone.
She sat on my shoulder for at least a half mile, but we had not even hit the hills yet. I was waiting for the hills. I wanted to have the strength to push and I knew that I could. I had done good work in the first half of the race.
As soon as the hills started, I pulled away. I was able to push my pace faster as we rolled and I was going my job. I could hear the music starting in my head. When I race well there is always music.
I was digging and pushing and then we hit M8-9, with the super steep ending. I was pushing, but I felt a part of me contemplating reducing the pace. I did not feel bad about this. I feel like I am learning. I am finding my line and recognizing just where my body and mind are at this time. I need to do a lot more work.
But even with a hard final mile, I managed to negative split the race. My last mile was not my fastest mile but it was still a good one. I did my jobs today!
When I looked at my final time, I was in shock. I had felt 8:15 pace was realistic but I managed a 7:41 pace overall instead. I can’t even begin to explain how thrilled I am with this run!
I ran 3M miles to c/d with Kim. I went home with 18M run, feeling like I am moving in the right direction.
She sat on my shoulder for at least a half mile, but we had not even hit the hills yet. I was waiting for the hills. I wanted to have the strength to push and I knew that I could. I had done good work in the first half of the race.
As soon as the hills started, I pulled away. I was able to push my pace faster as we rolled and I was going my job. I could hear the music starting in my head. When I race well there is always music.
I was digging and pushing and then we hit M8-9, with the super steep ending. I was pushing, but I felt a part of me contemplating reducing the pace. I did not feel bad about this. I feel like I am learning. I am finding my line and recognizing just where my body and mind are at this time. I need to do a lot more work.
But even with a hard final mile, I managed to negative split the race. My last mile was not my fastest mile but it was still a good one. I did my jobs today!
When I looked at my final time, I was in shock. I had felt 8:15 pace was realistic but I managed a 7:41 pace overall instead. I can’t even begin to explain how thrilled I am with this run!
I ran 3M miles to c/d with Kim. I went home with 18M run, feeling like I am moving in the right direction.
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